at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
But break dance skills will only take you so far
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
