Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
