we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
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Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
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I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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