they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
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