clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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