..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
