THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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