The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
