I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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