I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize