If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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