I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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