I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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