im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
