her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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