maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
