I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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