I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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