I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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