if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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