Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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