Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
