I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
