ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
