Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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