batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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