he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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