I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
