I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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