remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
