shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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