they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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