And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize