capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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