is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
"it" just moved
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
