Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
