Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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