I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I stole a fireplace last night.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
