I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
