Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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