Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
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The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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