Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
