imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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