i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
