he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
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I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
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I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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