I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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