just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
