Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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