It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
