If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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