Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"