i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
