he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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