He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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