her vagine was all disorganized.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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