and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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