so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
