I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
