i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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