life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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