was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
