Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
