He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
