Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
