just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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