this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
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Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
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body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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