It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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