Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
