Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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