u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
