end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
