My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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