I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
