Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
