I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
