I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
