he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You can't just leave with hair like that
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Randomize
