the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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