I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
