Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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