well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
