So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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