Whod you bang
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
