I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So squirting runs in the family.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Rumble strips road head = magical
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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